CHRONIC DISCONTENT

Do you find yourself discontented or know someone who is? 

While on vacation in Ocean City, I stopped by the local library only to discover a “give -away” shelf. This book looked interesting (and the price was right!)

At the time of the book’s publication (2003) Alan Downs was a clinical psychologist working with Native Americans on the 19 pueblos surrounding Santa Fe, New Mexico.

The author writes: “This book is written for the millions who suffer in silence with chronic discontent.”

Also known as dysthymia, it affects 6-10% of the population, making it perhaps the most common of all psychological dyfunctions. It is a mood disorder resulting in low to moderate depression.

People who suffer with chronic discomfort often find themselves initially excited about a new thing in their lives only to quickly lose the joy they once felt. They are frequently irritable. They have difficulty feeling what is presently happening in their lives, whether it be sadness, anger, joy or fear. Such feelings are suppressed because of the difficulty in identifying what one is feeling in any ordinary moment. People with chronic discontent avoid situations that trigger feelings. They mentally withdraw from emotionally changed situations. Everything is laced with frustration. And they tend to look for and expect the worst in most every person they encounter.

Meaningful relationships are a “deep hunger” that exists in most every person. Those that suffer with dysthymia find these relationships difficult. These relationships feel dangerous and risky so they happen rarely. Chronic discontent cripples one’s ability to create a living network of relationships.

The early seeds of discontent are often planted deeply in one’s unconscious mind early in life. The five most common early causes are (1) extreme moral rigidity, (2) physical or emotional abandonment, (3) over protectiveness, and (4) triangulation (when one parent uses the child to manipulate the other parent.) Any one or all can result in emotional shame and withdrawal, which result in chronic discontent.

The long-term effects of withdrawal can erode one’s confidence and self-esteem. “Every time you withdraw to avoid your feelings, you inadvertently create feelings of disappointment.” (p.80) Eventually, you begin to expect the worst to happen and nothing will work out (a cynic is born!)

Another pattern of relationships for people with chronic discontent is that of seeing other people as either our trusted friends or our enemies. There is no middle ground. The frequent response to those “enemies” is often stealth withdrawal which often baffles those around them. Chronic discontent eventually alienates you from other people.

Eventually, the person develops “withdrawal games.” . . . blaming others or fabricating reasons for withdrawal. Life becomes a chore . . . a duty. There is little joy in it. The future becomes the focus (“one day my ship will come in!”) Friendships become a chore too . . .“they require more work than they are worth.” These people withdraw because they are “safer” in doing so. They keep their problems to themselves. They often become materialistic (things will make me happy). They become highly controlling of others. They avoid persistently cheerful people. Addictions are frequently developed. “Remember feelings” are more reliable then present feelings, which are avoided. They allow their present and future to be determined by their past.

The book concludes with 5 weeks of exercises designed to move one toward better relationships. Journaling is suggested. Letter writing is recommended. Remembering and repenting activities that bring joy is considered helpful. (triggers) Face the “blocks” to joy. Grieving losses is important. Making daily plans that include joy production and close relationships. (correcting emotional errors and expressing true feelings) the author recognizes how very difficult this is. It can take years of reflection and action.

The appendix contains the following note to psychotherapists:

“Dysthymia is undoubtedly the most widely occurring and surprisingly, least understood of all the psychopathologies. Generally, it is understood by mental health professionals to be a low level, persistent form of depression. In other words, most have considered dysthymia to be simply an early phase of clinical depression, and consequently, the psychotherapeutic treatment strategies they offer follow the same course as major depression.

There is, however, a growing recognition among clinicians and researches alike, that while dysthymia is related to depression, the effective treatment strategy is different than those used for major depression.

Until recent times, clinicians believed that dysthymia (described as “chronic depression”) didn’t respond well to psychotherapy. There is, in fact, considerable data to support this viewpoint.

To date there is little evidence to suggest that medication alone is effective in the treatment of dysthymia.

Both research and clinical experience with dysthymia suggests that traditional methods medication and /or psychotherapy for treating major depression are not as effective in treating dysthymia. What is the most effective treatment for dysthymia?

It is out of this line of research that the key to treating dysthymia is emerging. Briefly, that model is:

• Each of us has a mortal need for relationships that allow for the open and honest expression of our feelings, and for those feelings to be validated by another human being.
• First, one must be able to identify, control, and express his or her emotions clearly and honestly.
• Secondly, one must be capable of staying emotionally engaged within a relationship (maintain strong social bonds).

This book has been designed to be used as a stand-alone self-help aid or as a workbook for use in psychotherapy.

I am encouraged by the Apostle Paul’s self-revelation: “I have learned how to be content in all circumstances . . . . Content can be learned. Chronic discontent can be unlearned. This book could help. Healing can occur. God heals.

Out of 5 stars, a solid 5 is in order.