ADDICTION AND GRACE

I starting reading this book in order to be of help to my friends who are in recovery. I had no idea how helpful the book was going to be to me personally.

May suggests that addiction “exits wherever persons are internally compelled to give energy to things that are not their true desires . . . a state of compulsion, obsession or preoccupation that enslaves a person’s will.

He writes: I could tell many stories as examples of how people experience addiction. I think of Sam, addicted to alcohol. He is fifty-eight but looks ninety because he has been drinking since he was a teenager. Once full of hope and dreams, he now languishes in a mental hospital.

Doris, in contrast, leads an active and overly successful life. She is socially popular and an effective businesswoman, but she is addicted to eating. Happy on the outside, she secretly hates herself because she cannot control her weight. 

Then there is Jim, a man of moderation in all things except his work. Addicted to his own sense of responsibility and the need to perform, he worries constantly about money and security. He is recovering from a heart attack, and his family hopes he will now slow down. He doubts that he can.

I also think of Frank, a loving father and dedicated husband, who is completely entranced, compelled, by his infatuation with another woman. He was certain at first that the love he experienced was the purest he had ever known. Then, for a while, it seemed he was a slave of sexual desire. Now, as he longs for nothing other than freedom from both his wife and his lover, he has lost all understanding. He simply does not know what to do.

And I remember Jean, a sweet and gracious homemaker. Jean is addicted to her relationship with her husband, who berates and belittles her at every opportunity. Friends who have witnessed this tell her to stand up to him, but the very thought of threatening the relationship fills her with panic.

These people’s situations are not at all unusual, but they are extreme. Their addictions have crippled them over long periods of time and have severely corroded their self-esteem. My greatest interest, however, is the experience of ordinary, mundane addictions, the kind that all of us suffer.

Gerald May is a psychiatrist and teacher who trains and supervises spiritual directors. Out of 5 stars, I give “Addiction and Grace” a 5.